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Fatale Media Newsletter September 2004 |
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In This Issue:
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What Do Women Want?
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Dear Friend,
What do women want? This is probably the oldest question in history.
At Fatale we get a lot of mail from women asking for...you name it... “softer sex,” “real lesbians,” “girls kissing,” “strap-on sex.” The list goes on.
So it was with interest and curiosity that we read of the new Playgirl TV channel, which is available through Comcast and will be offered on some hotel pay-per-view channels.
The founder, Mark Graff, was well-known for starting Spice TV and then selling it to Playboy for a cool million. “I had no idea what adult films for women would even be,” he told the New York Times.
He should have asked us. But our answer would no doubt have been a letdown, because women are a diverse lot, as we all know. Some of us want to play dress-up, some of want romance, some of us want it as raw as it comes, some of us want to watch, some of us want to fuck our boyfriends, some of us want to get fisted by our girlfriends...
You get the idea.
At first the readers of Playgirl told the folks getting set to make the videos that they wanted to see more penises, close up and personal.
Once the test vids were shot, however, it turned out the women viewers actually wanted to see nice Prada lingerie (Victoria’s Secret at a minimum), appropriate manicures, not so much jewelry, better shoes.
We couldn’t help but smile. What on earth did they really think women wanted? Porn videos are about fantasy—and that fantasy extends to an element of play. Of real sex. Something real that they can put themselves into and imagine they’re there.
These “housewives,” as Graff calls them, dream of something beyond Prince Charming and his big cock. They dream in color, with all the trimmings, and yes, even the shoes.
Send us an e-mail and tell us what you like.
Yours in good sex and love,
Nan & Christi
nan@fatalemedia.com
christi@fatalemedia.com
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Believe it or not, not everyone has a natural affinity for cunnilingus...also known as going down on your girlfriend.
Diana Cage, editor of the lesbian sex magazine On Our Backs (co-founded by Nan, as many of you know) is the author of a brand new book, Box Lunch: The Layperson’s Guide to Cunnilingus (Alyson Publications, 2004). Naturally, we asked for her advice on this juicy subject.
“We all get intimidated,” Diana says, “because cunnilingus is the ultimate act of lesbian sex. It’s easy to get stuck with what works and not experiment. We have these great expectations.”
What’s a girl to do if she’s nervous or intimidated?
“Talk about it,” Diana says without hesitation. “Make it sexy for both parties. Talking dirty is the answer for everything!” she says with a laugh.
“When you’re talking about it, your brain is engaged. Connect with what you’re doing. Sometimes it’s too easy to fall into a rote pattern. If you talk dirty while you’re doing it, your brain and your body are engaged.”
Lastly, Diana offers this piece of advice: “Don’t be afraid to try new things. The combination penetration and cunnilingus is usually a winner.
E-mail your tips and tricks to christi@fatalemedia.com. You could be published here!
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Many of you know g-spot expert Deborah Sundahl as Fanny Fatale. In “Ask Fanny,” an exclusive column created just for this newsletter, she answers your questions about female ejaculation and the G-spot.
Dear Fanny,
What exactly is Tantra? My partner and I hear so much about it, but I don't understand what kind of sex or what kind of technique it is.
Curious in Santa Fe
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Dear Curious,
Tantra is an ancient yoga-based philosophy from India that has its roots over 2,000 years ago. The walls of a Tantra temple ruin in Kartapurta, India, are composed entirely of carved, larger-than-life-sized Indian deities in every sexual position imaginable, including solo, couples and groups. Tantra at that time considered erotic expression as a means to achieve union with universal energy. In other words, sex was used as prayer. The sexual positions are difficult yoga positions, to be held for long periods of time, much like sitting motionless in meditation. Practicing this Tantra-type yoga sets every erotic nerve on fire, heightening sensitivity all over the body.
One technique that has come down to us from Tantra is to use the breath to carry that erotic urge throughout the body. What happens when this is accomplished is a feeling of euphoria and well-being, such as that felt after a good yoga session. When men learn how to bring their erotic energy up out of the genital area and spread it around their body, they can have multiple orgasms without ejaculating. Therefore, men can stay hard a long time without the effort of holding back and always having to be in control. For women, it allows them the time needed to relax into sexual arousal, which as we know is necessary for women to truly awaken the g-spot and to ejaculate most freely.
Eye contact is another technique we Westerners have borrowed from Tantra. Gazing into your partner's eyes instead of shutting them while having sex increases arousal and connection. Our comfort within our bodies, our sexual desires and our yearning for love and connection is reflected in our eyes. In Tantra, using eye contact as a meditative practice slowly erodes over time all the shame, guilt and embarrassment we have around our sexual desires. When these blocks to full erotic freedom and expression get removed, the erotic path becomes open to achieving the “higher states of consciousness” via sex that is the goal of Tantra.
In my DVD, Tantric Journey to Female Orgasm, I show two Tantra master teachers using the Tantra-based g-spot massage method to clear sexual blocks and restore the g-spot to its natural state of ultra sensitivity.
Few of us have ever even thought of using sex to connect with our desire for spiritual awakening or worship. Or if we have, it seems strange and taboo. However, tribal cultures across the globe in ancient times had spiritual sex rituals as part of their cultures—including that of our European ancestors. What lies behind the Maypole and the spring fling group sex festivities of the Celts and Wiccans was an acknowledgment, a celebration of our connection, through sex, to God and nature. These tribes held women in higher esteem, too, since Mother Nature was seen as feminine. Unfortunately, as the Romans conquered the tribes of Europe, they spread a religion (Catholicism) that saw the feminine as inherently evil, nature in service to man (rather than the reverse) and sex for procreation only. These divinely enacted love rites between the European tribal man and woman were cast by this new religion as evil and occult—a view that still permeates modern Western society.
The mystery genre book The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown is an excellent read for further insight into the sacred aspect of the Wiccan sexual rites and its philosophy. Another good source for Tantra, American-style, is the Web site www.tantra.com. Two Tantra teachers I recommend are from the Indian tradition of the Dakini and Daka dancers (Tantra-based): www.goddesstemple.com and www.babadez.com.
Fanny
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Send your questions to askfanny@fatalemedia.com.
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In each issue of Fatale News, we want to hear your ideas, opinions, comments.
We had the opportunity to see Pulitzer Prize winner Maureen Dowd on her book tour for Bushworld, her new book of caustic, witty columns from the New York Times now out from Putnam.
When asked what she thinks will happen if President Bush is reelected, she replied, “He’ll continue to work on his domestic agenda.”
Shivers went down our spines. If President Bush has his way, homegrown porn producers such as us will be put out of business.
He will be nominating his conservative Christian cronies to the Supreme Court. Women’s right to abortion is particularly at stake. That’s only the beginning.
We urge you to register to vote, find out about the issues, and get to the polls on November 2nd.
Enjoy your sexual freedom while we still have it.
Nan and Christi
www.fatalemedia.com
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