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Fatale Media Newsletter September 2003
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In This Issue:
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Women's Porn
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Dear Friend,
This fall marks the 50th anniversary of Playboy magazine. If you missed Scott Simon's visit to the Playboy mansion and in-depth interview with Hugh Hefner on NPR last weekend, we highly encourage a listen.
What's Playboy got to do with women's porn?
A lot, it turns out.
When Nan and Deborah founded On Our Backs magazine nearly 20 years ago in 1984, Nan says, "Hugh Hefner was a positive influence and role model." With that role model, Nan and Deborah took the ball and ran with it, creating the first explicit lesbian porn magazine created by and for women.
"We expected some criticism from the feminist community," Nan says."The sex wars were in full swing." Objectification of women was the main issue, and Playboy was a big target.
"Our stance was, objectification wasn't necessarily a bad thing. After all, how can you have fantasies without some objectification?
"I agree with Hugh Hefner that images of sexuality should be done in an enlightened way and not in terms of secrecy. That's part of why we decided to start Fatale and make videos. It was a desire to make the fantasies come alive."
We at Fatale Media salute Playboy on its 50th Anniversary. Hats off to Hef.
Nan & Christi
nan@fatalemedia.com
christi@fatalemedia.com
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Want to put some romance back into your sex life? In our opinion, there's nothing like oysters on the half-shell to start off a sexy dinner.
When we first met in New York City in 1997, many of you know it was love at first sight. You may not know that the plate of oysters we ordered at our fave restaurant, L'Acajou (West 19th Street between 5th and 6th) sealed our fate.
While Betty Dodson, Kim Airs and our friend Anna chatted away next to us, we sat and fed each other raw oysters, the juice dripping down our chins, our gazes never wavering.
In Fatale's video Hungry Hearts, in a hot romantic lesbian sex scene, Pepper blindfolds the blonde bombshell Reeva and feeds her strawberries one by one...
So we tried strawberries and, you guessed it, whipped cream. Real whipped cream like the girls used in Private Pleasures. Christi whipped it up with a heavy whisk and presented to Nan one night not two weeks after we'd met. There's nothing like the feel of nubby strawberries dragged across the nipples and soft cold whipped cream kisses. The sex was great.
How about strawberries dipped in oozy dark chocolate? That's on our list to try.
Ice cubes don't exactly count as food...but we've had a lot of fun with those over the years too. So open your fridge and start creating your next sexy meal.
What's your favorite sex food? E-mail christi@fatalemedia.com. You could be published here!
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Many of you know g-spot expert Deborah Sundahl as Fanny Fatale. In "Ask Fanny," an exclusive column created just for this newsletter, she answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.
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Dear Fanny,
My partner and I have been in our relationship for 12 years. We have had difficulty with sexual intimacy for a wide range of reasons. Recently we have both started individual counseling and will be initiating couples counseling in the immediate future (for the sex, and numerous other, issues).
I've recently found out that part of my partner's difficulty has been her lack of experience in relation to mine and the feelings of inadequacy that result from it. She also has difficulty in expressing herself verbally, which makes dialog at this point about sex extremely difficult. We have discussed this as much as we can, and she is interested in exploring her sexuality (with me), but feels articles, videos, "how-to" manuals, etc., would be more helpful to her at this point until she becomes more comfortable having these conversations.
Do you have suggestions for good resources covering lesbian sexual positions, toys, oral sex, etc.? I've found some information on the Web, but it's rather limited. Ideally the material would be in a type of "how-to" format. Any help you can offer would be fabulous!
Signed,
SapphoAmI
via e-mail
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Dear SapphoAmI,
Half the battle to overcome sexual intimacy problems to achieve a rewarding sex life in relationship is acknowledgment of the problem, and seeking help with this is a smart move. I congratulate both of you for taking these steps.
I am a firm believer in and supporter of women taking time by themselves to explore their sexuality, especially when they are just beginning to open that door. Though I am sure it is hard to be patient, and it seems you have not had your sexual needs met for a very long time, this is the time to be really patient while your partner explores her own sexual path.
To get her started, I've invited a guest to this column, an expert in lesbian erotic resources. Rachel Kramer Bussel is the author of The Lesbian Sex Book.
Fanny
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Dear SapphoAmI,
First, I can understand that couples can come to a crossroads when one has more experience than the other, and I am sure that every woman out there has experienced this at one time or another. Your partner seems willing to work on and explore these issues, and I think that if you can, the first thing you should do is try to relax and trust yourself.
You've been together for a long time, and while it is natural to be nervous at a difference in experience, I encourage you both to talk to each other about your sexual needs, desires and fantasies, because ultimately that will bring you closer together and bring you more sexual satisfaction than can be learned from any media. We are all different, and sometimes sex takes a bit of trial and error, of getting to know our partners and ourselves, before we can figure out exactly what works and what doesn't.
While I offer my suggestions below, nothing beats communication with your lover to find out precisely what she wants.
You may have general sexual questions but you may also have questions on specific topics that you're interested in. Lesbian porn magazine On Our Backs, the only one of its kind, written by and for dykes, features how-to articles on everything from hand jobs to oral sex to spanking, as well as pictorials featuring women of all backgrounds.
If you do want to learn more about lesbian sex and sexuality, there are a lot of books, magazines and videos out there that can show you some tips in full detail. My own book that I revised, The Lesbian Sex Book (2nd edition), is a great first guide, with basic information on a wealth of topics and a resource guide to point you in the right direction.
Female Ejaculation and The G-Spot by Deborah Sundahl is a recent book which walks you through steps to try alone and with a partner to stimulate your g-spot and/or discover and enhance female ejaculation. Sundahl's take on the topic is fascinating and informative; she believes that every woman can ejaculate and extols the physical, mental and emotional benefits of doing so. I don't encourage you to read this to put any further pressure on yourself to make you or your lover have a g-spot orgasm or ejaculate, but to open up the realm of possibilities. The less pressure and anxiety you feel about any sexual topic, and the more you are able to relax, the better off you will be.
If you're looking to learn more on a specific topic, there are books such as Violet Blue's The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus and Karlyn Lotney's The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex, part of Cleis Press's "Ultimate Guide" series, that go into great detail.
The Whole Lesbian Sex Book by Felice Newman offers a host of information on lesbian sex practices and sexuality. Another book that is not strictly a how-to but may give you insight into your own and your partner's anatomy is The Clitoral Truth: The Secret World at Your Fingertips by Rebecca Chalker (Seven Stories Press), which shows how far-reaching and powerful the clitoris actually is. All of this, of course, depends on your own comfort level and what you are looking to explore.
As for videos, the porn industry is rife with the "lesbian" genre, but for your purposes porn that is made by and for women and lesbians is probably going to be more useful to you. Again, the camera angles in porn are not always ideal for getting to see exactly what's going on, so you may still have to use your imagination a little.
Hungry Hearts and others from our own Fatale also feature real women who you might be able to relate to in hot, passionate scenes that can teach you about how women like to be touched, fondled and made love to. From the classic (Suburban Dykes) to the modern (Take Her Down!, about a lesbian oil wrestling party), these are videos you know are made with lesbians in mind.
Passion Fruit Video is a small company also making authentic dyke porn, and while you don't get too much up-close-and-personal action, their What's Cooking is sweet, saucy (watch the food scenes), and sexy.
SIR Video features Hard Love and How to Fuck in High Heels, a dyke porn double feature that you may or may not want to try at home, which also manages to work in real relationship tensions and sexuality and show how even an argument can be transformed into hot sex.
On the Web, the Cyber-Dyke Network is a set of over a dozen specific porn sites made by lesbians that feature everything from kink to piss play to erotic stories to vanilla sex to larger women - almost any kind of lesbian porn niche you can think of. Buying a membership to one of them grants you access to all of them.
For more information about some of the publishers mentioned, please visit:
Alyson
Cleis
Greenery - for BDSM books
Seven Stories Press
I wish you both the best of luck in resolving these issues and for a satisfying, delightful and delicious sex life.
Rachel Kramer Bussel
www.rachelkramerbussel.com
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Send your questions to askfanny@fatalemedia.com.
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In each issue of Fatale News, we want to hear your ideas, opinions, comments. In the last few issues we've been talking about if it feels different depending on whether there's a guy or a gal going down on you.
This month, Tristan Taormino, Village Voice columnist, has kindly permitted us to offer her advice on the matter, from her PuckerUp "Pussy Licker" column. She writes:
"It's no surprise to me that lots of women I've met rate receiving oral sex as their favorite sexual activity and the easiest way to make them come...As a dyke who plays on all teams, I've gone to bed with many straight men who, knowing my queer experience, think they have something to prove. More than once, I've had a guy go down like he's attempting to break some kind of record. He assumes that because I have sex with women, I've probably gotten some of the best head of my lifeÑhe's rightÑand he's there to prove that he can muff dive with the big girls. He'll risk neck strain, tongue sprain, and repetitive stress injuries he'll have to explain to his doctor to make sure I get it good. While I applaud that kind of ambition and tenacity, sometimes I want to gently tug on his hair and say, 'No, really, it's OK, let's just skip this part.'"
You can read Tristan's full PuckerUp "Pussy Licker" column here.
Since Tristan is also the author of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, a hot book you can order through Tristan's Web site PuckerUp, we thought we'd ask you:
What do you like better, giving or getting anal sex?
Send an e-mail to christi@fatalemedia.com and you may see your words published here next month!
Until then, we wish you dazzling hot sex!
Nan and Christi
www.fatalemedia.com
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