Many of you know g-spot expert Deborah Sundahl as Fanny Fatale. In “Ask Fanny,” an exclusive column created just for this newsletter, she answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.
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Dear Fanny,
How can I spray or squirt my female ejaculate far? Mine just streams out slowly with no force behind it, even when I try to push it out hard. And I don't have G-spot orgasms, only clitoral orgasms. I can't ejaculate when I orgasm. It's either before or after an orgasm. How can I also ejaculate with G-spot orgasms at the same time?
Also I wanted to know if after having 2 children vaginally has anything to do with it and having a tilted backward uterus.
It might be of importance anatomically that I also have a mild cystocele from having had 2 children vaginally. I have strong PC muscles but have no force behind my female ejaculate. It streams out slowly with a gush. I thought maybe it's because of my inner labia minora lips were obstructing the way, but it's not the case. I spread them wide apart and push the ejaculate out hard. I observed this with a mirror.
Lying on my back, what I see is that when it's gushing out a lot: it comes out upward toward the clitoris then streams downward. It hits the top inner fold of skin (where the lips part if you are spreading them apart while ejaculating) just below the clitoris before streaming down toward the vaginal opening. It doesn't come straight outward toward you (if you were sitting between my legs observing) ...it goes upward first hitting the inner fold skin just above the urinary opening then streams downward.
Is it because of my mild cystocele that is bulging down into my vaginal opening aligning the urinary opening crooked upward that prevents me from squirting far no matter how hard I'm trying to push it outward? I don't have an explanation why I can't spray or squirt great lengths.
It is important to my confidence that my newfound talent can be perfected. I want to be able to have G-spot orgasms with ejaculate at the same time. I can only have clitoral orgasms and ejaculate either before or after my orgasms separately. That is my goal to perfect. Any helpful info would be most appreciated. Thank you.
Dawn, via e-mail
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Dear Dawn,
If you are having only clitoral orgasms, you are lucky you ejaculate at all. This is because only 1/3 of the PC (vaginal) muscles function with a clitoral orgasm, whereas 2/3’s function with a G-spot orgasm. Technically, you do not have enough muscles working to push out the ejaculate during a clitoral orgasm, even though your PC muscles are strong. Most women cannot ejaculate at all with a strictly clitoral-only orgasm. This is why you are not ejaculating with a clitoral orgasm.
The inner lips can obstruct the ejaculate, because a thin skin of the inner lips cover the urethral opening in some women depending on which way the inner labia is being stretched; i.e., the urethral opening doesn’t get covered all the time. Many women cannot ejaculate with something in their vagina for the same reason, or because the urethral canal - which parallels the vaginal canal - gets “squished” shut or nearly shut by the penis, toy or finger that is filling up the vagina.
If your ejaculate is shooting upward and getting “caught” in the vulva area by your clitoris, the first thing you could check is how you were holding your labia apart. As some women know, if you hold your labia a certain way to pee standing up, you can control which way and how far the arc of urine goes. Ditto with the way you may have been holding your labia apart as you said you were when you were experimenting; you may have been holding it in a manner that caused the ejaculate to go upward rather than out.
As for ejaculating with a G-spot orgasm, that will happen once you learn to have a G-spot orgasm. This takes time to develop, especially if a woman is used to having only clitoral orgasms. In my book, Female Ejaculation and the G-spot, I have an entire chapter on how to gradually move your clitorial orgasm “down the spectrum of orgasms” into the G-spot realm.
Spend some time with your G-spot and get to know its sensations, and as you do this, over time these sensations will become stronger and develop into a G-spot orgasm.
If your PC muscles are strong, then having had children has nothing to do with orgasms or ejaculating. As for the tipped back uterus, this doesn’t matter either, because the female prostate - the G-spot - begins at the opening of the urethral canal and extends approximately two inches along the urethral canal - the uterus lies behind the cervix, which is located at the back of the vagina.
Which bring me to your cystocele. I looked this up in the dictionary and it says “a herniation of the urinary bladder into the vagina.” However, you described this cystocele as “mild cystocele that is bulging down into my vaginal opening aligning the urinary opening crooked upward.” My dear, this is a good description of the G-spot! Your bladder would not bulge into the opening of your vagina, but farther back. If your cystocele has ridges on it, which I suspect it does, that’s for sure your G-spot!
The tail of the G-spot does indeed “crook upward” into the vaginal roof, while the “head” and “body” of the G-spot definitely bulge down into the vagina and the vaginal opening, especially when swollen from arousal.
If a doctor told you this, I’m unfortunately not surprised; it’s embarrassing, if not malpractice at this juncture, for far too many doctors to still be unaware of the female prostate - sanctioned as a fully functioning organ by Histology Today in 2001 (medical anatomical journal) - and giving out incorrect advice and diagnosis.
Female ejaculation is still misdiagnosed as urinary stress incontinence, and the G-spot/female prostate mistaken for a “prolapsed” vagina!
Regarding all this anatomical exploration, I’m concerned you may be missing the point altogether about the G-spot, and that may be the reason why having G-spot orgasms are difficult for you: the G-spot orgasm is about love and connection.
Performance pressure will shut down female ejaculate; i.e., the more you try, the harder it will be. I recommend spending as much or more time connecting in love and sensuality with yourself and your partner, and far less time on the goal, technique and anatomy. Then, you will find true pleasure, and female ejaculation will be its lovely by-product.
Deborah Sundahl a.k.a. Fanny Fatale
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Send your questions to askfanny@fatalemedia.com.
