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Fatale Media Newsletter July 2005 |
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In This Issue:
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Summer Affairs
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Dear Friend,
There’s nothing quite like a summer affair. Whether you first meet at the beach or on a cruise ship vacation or working in some lobster shack, summertime begs for long, leisurely nights of wild, passionate lovemaking.
Summertime affairs are by nature limited—you’re going back to school come September, or moving back to the city, or just going back to your job after vacation is over—but that’s part of what makes them so exciting. You can be utterly yourself or show off another side of your personality that you keep hidden otherwise. And why not? A summer affair makes you feel like a teenager all over again...minus the awkwardness of adolescence.
One thing we know for sure: You never forget a steamy summer affair. That lover lives on in your imagination and maybe even in photos tucked away in an album somewhere.
As grownups, we know the affair won’t last, but it’s still nice to have some token to take with you back into September...a pair of earrings, a stuffed animal won at the county fair, a Chinese fortune cookie message that’ll remind you of this summer every time you look at it.
So here’s to summer affairs. May you love every moment.
Nan & Christi
nan@fatalemedia.com
christi@fatalemedia.com
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Flirting is a courtly art. Whether you’re meeting someone in person, in an online adult chat room or via e-mail or on the phone, flirting begins with manners. Good manners. What your mother always told you. Be polite.
Some say men and women have different courting rituals. So do different cultures. The Japanese have elaborate social mores and codes of honor, if you will, when talking with someone of the opposite sex. We have two Japanese friends, both lesbians, who are very respectful of how Japanese women expect to be treated, whether or not they’re lesbians.
All that is to say be conscious of where you are and observe local and regional etiquette.
Flirting comes easy to some people, while others find it painfully difficult to flirt. The one real key to flirting naturally, after good manners, is to listen. You want to listen to the woman you’re interested in and continue the conversation on her terms. This is especially true if you’re online in an adult chat room.
In person, you have an added advantage. Use your eyes to show her you like her. Yes, batting your eyelashes, if you’re a femme talking to a butch, works. So does your body language. Are you open to her? You can always use a prop—holding a drink at a bar or a party gives you something to do with your hands. But don’t cross your arms.
This works equally well in the grocery store when you comment on that beautiful Parmesan cheese she’s holding. Show her you’re observant. Plus you’re offering her a compliment.
If she’s across the room, you can use your eyes to shoot her sultry glances. Hold her gaze for just a moment longer than usual. She’ll notice. Eventually, though, if she doesn’t take the bait and come talk to you, you’ll have to go talk to her. This can be the hard part.
Is she single and available? If you’re not sure, either ask around or watch the room to see if she’s actually got her eye on someone else. The worst that will happen is she’s not interested, so take the chance. Go and talk to her.
Good opening lines? For advice we turned to On Our Backs “Full Frontal” sexpert Lynnee Breedlove.
“Make her laugh,” Lynnee says. “If she laughs at your jokes she’s probably very intelligent.” As a shy butch Lynnee says she “hides behind humor.” She recommends entering into a group conversation with the girl you like, “but every time you speak, you speak directly to her, as if she’s the only person in the conversation.”
Lynnee also cautions breaking the ice with jokes, but no dirty or bawdy jokes. “She wants to be respected,” Lynnee says. “All day long most of the world treats her like a piece of meat, so respect her. We all want to be seen as human beings, and that’s very sexy. It shows you’re ready to be vulnerable with her. Way sexy.”
The “good-bye compliment” is an unusual tip--especially good for shy people--we learned from DatingClass.com.
When you’re about to leave the party or the bar or the gym, go up to her and say, “I’ve got to leave now, but before I did I wanted to tell you how much I like your style. I wish I had more time to spend with you but I have to go.” Then leave.
According to DatingClass.com, the “good-bye compliment” builds your self-confidence in talking with women, and we agree. But we also don’t think you have to race out the door that instant. If your self-confidence is intact, stay a moment or two longer.
Lynnee loves this idea too and suggests you slip her your phone number. If you’re too shy to do that, and if you’re lucky, maybe she’ll offer her number or tell you where you might meet up with her again.
Smiling is nice while you flirt, but don’t overdo it and remember to be aware of local and regional customs. The French in particular think Americans show their pearly whites way too often.
For the etiquette of flirting in adult chat rooms, check out this succinct and helpful advice from My UK Date.
Tempted to flirt at work? Be careful.
E-mail your tips and tricks to christi@fatalemedia.com. You could be published here!
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Many of you know g-spot expert Deborah Sundahl as Fanny Fatale. In “Ask Fanny,” an exclusive column created just for this newsletter, she answers your questions about female ejaculation and the G-spot.
This letter came in to Dr. Susan Block, who requested that Fanny reply. The writer was very complimentary of Deborah’s book, Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot but had another question. With Dr. Block’s permission, we have reprinted the question and answer here, edited for style only.
You may read the original letter here:
http://www.drsusanblock.com/squirt/squirt_letters.htm#firefighter
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Dear Fanny,
I'll give you a little background on me, 24, and my fiancé, 22. The first time she ever had an orgasm was when I hit the g spot on her. It seems almost impossible for her to have an orgasm unless we hit the G. When she does there is an awesome fluid release however. I just finished reading your very creative writing and you say that it is not urine because it is tasteless and odorless. When she does it smells and tastes like urine. So now I’m completely confused. She gets an immense amount of pleasure from the release but I'm really unsure now what it is. Is it the famous female ejaculation or is it urine? Either way I'm into it because it is an extreme turn-on for me but she gets embarrassed because it smells like urine, so half the time she is unwilling to do it. I get her to "whatever" the same way that you mention in your tips (proud to say I figured that one out on my own, lol). The only problem is she is not willing to experiment with herself alone. It’s hard enough to get her to touch herself while she is with me. That and it’s hard for me to get her to let go of herself. Hopefully you can clear things up for me because I thought I was doing good but now you've confused the heck out of me. Meanwhile, how the hell do I get her to have just a normal orgasm?
Rob
P.S. I love your "broken fire hydrant" referral in regards to female ejaculation as I am a Fire Fighter up in Canada
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Dear Canadian Firefighter,
Congrats on being a good Hot Spot Hunting kind of guy (must be your profession). Your question is not uncommon and the issue can be confusing.
Female ejaculate can smell like urine during certain phases of the menstrual cycle (10 days before a period). That time frame is also when female ejaculate is most profuse. Why this is the case, science doesn't yet know.
This phase of the menstrual cycle makes orgasms and female ejaculate feel more “hot,” to use Chinese Medicine term. All ejaculate - male and female - has traces of urine in it. For women, this can cause a urine odor that is more noticeable during certain times of the month.
Many men in a partnership find female ejaculation a big turn-on, but their female partners aren't too sure about it and have reservations.
Female ejaculation, I’ve noticed, can have more of a urine taste and smell when the female is not that into it. Emotional factors related to health and sexuality are not taken seriously in our Western medicine culture. I’ve noticed, however, that most women who are not happy in their relationship or comfortable with their sexuality either don't ejaculate or have a hard time doing so even if they are trying to learn how.
Since female ejaculation and the G-spot orgasm is at its heart an expression of love and intimacy, it makes sense that ejaculating wouldn't be “free-flowing.” The best example of the emotional component of female ejaculation is this story: A 26-year-old woman ejaculated and asked me, “Why now?” After we ruled out all the mechanical factors that could be involved, I asked her, “What were you feeling that night?" She said, “I got engaged.”
I am not suggesting your partner is not happy with your relationship. Please understand that. What I am saying is her discomfort with ejaculating could be contributing to its smelling like urine - again, for reasons that are unclear to science. Science may one day figure out there is a physical reason why some women's ejaculate has a urine smell more so than others - perhaps weak PC (vaginal) muscles are the cause.
Until then, and since you are both young and sexuality develops over one's entire lifetime, I suggest the best remedy right now is to take it all more slowly. A time will come when she may become more interested in her own body and explore its ability on her own. Meanwhile, you could shift the focus off the G-spot for a while and try giving her clitoral climaxes, if that would make her feel more comfortable.
You are doing great with the G-spot - you Hydrant-seeking, Hot Spotter, you! Just give your partner a little time to catch up.
Deborah
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Send your questions to askfanny@fatalemedia.com.
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In last month’s poll, we asked what gives you the most explosive orgasms, and of the 203 of you who voted as of this writing, over 20% of you voted for clitoral stimulation. Hail, mighty clitoris! To see the full poll results from June, click here.
The Canadian House of Commons voted last Tuesday evening to legalize gay civil unions throughout the country, and Spain’s Parliament approved gay marriages on Thursday. Bravo! Spain joins Belgium and the Netherlands in instituting this progressive legislation, and Canada, when the legislation passes in Canada’s Senate, is expected to become the fourth country.
To read the USA Today article about Spain’s new law, click here:
http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2005-06-30-spain-gay-marriage_x.htm
In this month’s new poll, we ask: Do you believe gay marriage should be legal?
This poll is completely anonymous. It’s on Fatale’s home page.
Send an e-mail to christi@fatalemedia.com and you may see your words published here next month!
Until then, we wish you dazzling hot sex!
Nan and Christi
www.fatalemedia.com
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