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Fatale Media Newsletter July 2003
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Many of you know g-spot expert Deborah Sundahl as Fanny Fatale. In "Ask Fanny," an exclusive column created just for this newsletter, she answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.
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Dear Fanny,
I had written to you some time ago, explaining that I had only ejaculated once in my life and I could not understand why I couldn't do it again. When you responded, you pointed out how I talked about sex; how in many ways, the element of love seemed to be absent in the majority of my sexual experiences.
It was the first time I had been touched by sex advice in years. I had thought I knew about sex. I thought there was nothing else to learn. And then, when I read your email, I realized I knew nothing about sex. All this time, I had just been going through the motions, but not really ever feeling anything. I cannot thank you enough for what you have done for me.
However, since my eyes have been open to the fact, my sex life has changed drastically. As of now, I am sleeping with someone who I have been dating now for eight months. All of a sudden, I don't get nearly as wet as I used to, and I'm finding myself more emotionally sensitive during the process.
I have explained to him that I am going through a change and that I need him to be patient.
He understands, but it is myself who keeps getting in the way. I've realized that I am embarrassed to enjoy myself during sex. Something in me holds back.
Ever since I was young, I used sex to make me feel special. I gave pleasure to men to receive appeasement in who I was and how I looked. It was all very psychological, I suppose. It wasn't until recently that I realized I was still in this rut.
Do you have any advice, reading material, or videos that can help me? I want to learn how to enjoy sex...the right way.
Thank you,
M. N. via e-mail
Dear M. N.,
First of all, let me tell you your letter touched me deeply. I sacrificed a lot to write Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot, in the hopes of helping women—and men—move through their lives to the acceptance of more love. To get your letter was overjoyous--and very validating.
I know it is hard and scary to open to love. Let me congratulate you for your courage to clear the emotions that had been blocking its passage. In my book, there is a chapter on clearing emotions. It's a good place to begin.
My best advice to your guy is to read that chapter, too. You gave him the best advice...patience.
Also, patience with yourself. It's okay if it takes a year or more. It's okay if you back off a while, for months even, to let things simmer. Each time you return to it, you will be one layer deeper.
It's also okay to have "sport sex" alternate with your explorations into love. But if you are like me, once that door opened, I wanted to explore it all the time.
Best to you, and please feel free to keep me updated and ask more questions.
Deborah
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Send your questions to askfanny@fatalemedia.com.
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