Dear Friend,

We’ve had several fascinating conversations—mostly by e-mail—in the last month with readers, customers and friends of Fatale about a wealth of subjects, including but not at all limited to:

  ...Islamic intolerance of gays and lesbians
  ...lesbian strippers
  ...Muslim women who shave their pussies and why
  ...Bend Over Boyfriend tips for success
  ...what “real lesbians” like and do in bed

One correspondent recently suggested that in lesbian videos, all the women look like baby dolls. He wondered, was that what lesbians liked to watch? Or was this just one more example of male directors pandering to their male customers, who want baby doll lesbians? “Real lesbians,” after all, are unshaved, unpierced, untattooed. And most of all, real lesbians don’t play with sex toys, do they?

This gave us pause. There are still so many misconceptions of what real lesbians look like and act like, and mostly what we like to do in bed.

Some people think that real lesbians don't get waxed or wear makeup or jewelry or play with sex toys. They do. Implants are much rarer among lesbians we know, but not unheard of. Tattoos and piercings are a personal statement made by many women, including lesbians.

We applaud everyone who knows what she or he likes. You like your woman with a big bushy Afro, even though it’s not as popular a hairstyle as it used to be? Great! Go for it. You like a femme baby doll? Fabulous.

When we set out to make videos of real lesbians 21 years ago, we let the actresses decide for themselves how to make love on film. We still do. In doing an inventory, we found that every one of them plays with sex toys. Why? Because it feels good!

You may know Carolyn Caizzi from her first Fatale DVD, Turn Me Up Over and On, or from her 2006 flick Coming Home.

Special Delivery is Carolyn’s latest lesbian DVD, and it’s jam-packed with...you guessed it...sex toys!

There’s a really nice masturbation scene in there too, because hey, let’s face it, there are times when a hand beats a sex toy any day. But don’t miss the real sex these gals dish up—they’re so excited by their “special deliveries” of sex toys, they don’t even make it to the bedroom.

We’re thrilled to be the exclusive distributors of Carolyn’s new film. Enjoy! And tell us what you think about lesbians and sex toys. We want to know!

Yours in good love and sex,

Nan & Christi
nan@fatalemedia.com
christi@fatalemedia.com

We invited guest columnist Shar Rednour, director of Healing Sex, to begin a discussion about sex and stress, having sex when you’re stressed out and the best ways to handle it.
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Real-life stresses such as money worries, health problems--yours or a loved one’s--raising kids or assisting aging parents, car repairs, career-climbing...Oh, and what is your ex's ex saying about you around town? All these stressful situations can really separate your mind from your body and spirit.

When you find yourself in the antacid aisle more than the massage oil aisle of the drugstore you know you're in trouble.

When I directed Healing Sex I learned how stress affects our love and lives via your body. We tend to focus on, "Am I worried?" in our heads and yes, maybe you are. But sometimes your body reacts to stress whether your mind is on it or not.

There are five life tips that lead to making sex a more enjoyable, "in the moment" experience:

1. Understand that "the moment" needs to be led up to if you are not in the mood. If you have a lover, then lie down and take it. Okay, you can dictate what "it" is—ya big tops! But you need to get doted on. Footrubs or pussy licks or massage. If you are single then pay someone, or trade, to give IT to you. And here's the point--do it whether you feel like it or not. And to your partner: keep on licking (or rubbing or writing the check for the massage) even if she doesn't moan for the first thirty minutes. Think of it as defrosting the dinner before you get to eat.

2. Hide in the bathroom (from who? life, the kids, your coworkers), take two deep breaths, look in the mirror and say "I love you." Then wink and add, "You're Hot."

3. Stress can make us not take care of ourselves. Demand (to yourself) that you dress in what makes you feel hot. This one can be hard but it is crucial. CRUCIAL. Spank yourself if you try to leave the house in dumpy clothes. Feeling good about yourself is key to enjoying your body and sexlife--whether you are single, coupled or multipled.

4. Allow yourself transition time before R&R and after life's stressors. After you get off work, or are taking a break from helping an ailing friend, etc., give yourself permission to take it easy before you take it easy. If you ever felt you needed a vacation to take a vacation then you know what I mean. Transitions can be driving the long way, not the traffic way, and singing songs on the oldies station; going for a jog, sitting and reading a magazine. Have the fun gossip magazines stashed in a place you can be alone. This is really about you saying, "I am worth 30 minutes of lying in the park reading People before I rush off to a date, to make dinner, to answer to someone else." The rest of the night will be more open to possexibilities trust me.

5. Don't abuse alcohol or drugs (do you "need" it for sex?) before sex. If you need to be checked out for sex then what's the point? Back up and go for a walk, take some Capoeira classes, do some stretching. Find something that helps you be in your body.

From Carolyn Caizzi, director of Turn Me Up Over and On and Coming Home, her all-new lesbian DVD is Special Delivery.

Special Delivery offers two steamy scenes with real-life lovers Anja and Eva (who also starred in Coming Home), two hot scenes with the butch Benito and her big curvy girlfriend Flora and a sexy solo scene with Deb Shooter. $29.95. 81 minutes.

Many of you know g-spot expert Deborah Sundahl as Fanny Fatale. In “Ask Fanny,” an exclusive column created just for this newsletter, she answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.

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Dear Fanny,

I read in Dan Savage’s sex advice column about a new book on women’s sexuality titled I’d Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love my Low Libido by Joan Sewell.

I was grossed out and offended by overweight lesbians who are suffering lesbian bed death syndrome, and were held up as a model in this book for the female’s true sexual nature (barely existent). Dan Savage basically responded by saying that men and women have different libidos and compromises must be made on both sides. But it’s a distressing picture of women, and somehow I cannot accept that lesbian bed death will ever be a “normal” thing.

Signed,

Distressed Dyke

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Dear Distressed,

This book's premise that women have low libidos and prefer high-carb diets and chocolate to sex certainly seems a bit reactionary, considering that there has been a very successful women's erotic awakening movement since the mid-1980s.

Women have worked very hard the last few decades to become aware of themselves as erotic beings, to learn about and act on their sexual desires, and learn how to communicate these to their partners. The proof that such a movement had taken place and is still evolving was exhibited in the popular TV series Sex and the City. Is it really necessary that a horrible, repressive pendulum swings this far back into the dysfunctional realm of sex via the type of attitudes expressed in this book?

Usually, the desire for chocolate and a high-carb diet is to flood the body with that good-feeling hormone serotonin. Orgasms accomplish the same thing. So does intimacy and loving touch with another warm body.

Books that look more closely at the benefits of orgasms and loving touch on mental health, emotional health, relationship health and physical health would do far more good than a reactionary dredging up an asexual female past that has been women's lot in life since the Victorian age, if not for centuries before then!

And now that women are becoming aware of their G-spots, a heretofore ABSENT sexual organ that is indeed the center of their sexual pleasure, the best thing this book does is serve as a final sick reminder of the past and as a loud adios to lesbian bed death syndrome and unequal libidos between men and women.

The G-spot orgasm puts such beliefs in the trash bin for good, where they belong for eternity.

I like how Savage treats it: ladies, can’t have a monogamous marriage and a low libido, too!

Fanny

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Send your questions to askfanny@fatalemedia.com.

Each month, we welcome your letters—about any related topic you wish to comment on.

C. in Louisiana wrote:
“I was looking on aol.com and found a video of the season finale of the show Dirt, with Jennifer Aniston and Courteney Cox. They kissed on the show and people are making a big deal about it. I am like ‘get a life.’

“We have too many things in this world to deal with than worry about two women kissing on TV. It happened and people need to get over it. These ladies smiled all the way to the bank. If people do not like these scenes, do not tune in. These so-called Christians need to stop with their fussing. They are hypocrites. I saw comments about the scene on the Web site talking about supporting sin. There were some open-minded people who commented. Who in the hell made them judge about what is sinful? This is my take on the situation.”

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A reader from outside the U.S. wrote:
“I read with interest your March editorial. I agree with it entirely; however, I do think you have missed an opportunity to make comment on a more aggressive, real and imminent threat to the gay community globally: Islamo-fascism.

“Whereas fundamentalist Christians may undertake vandalism and preach hatred, stridently informing gays they are heading to hell, Islamo-fascists are enthusiastic to help gays actually get there! This difference is more than rhetoric. Gay communities in Islamic countries (and in many developing countries too) dream of living under the conditions present in the U.S., and in all other Western democracies. Whilst I think you are right to point out the threats to the rights and freedoms that have been hard won in the U.S., more should be done to draw attention to comrades suffering much more significant threats of violence and oppression around the world....

“Whilst I urge you to continue with your comment on the intolerance of fundamentalist Christians in the U.S., there is a much bigger threat to gays everywhere, indeed, people everywhere. Perhaps I'm not looking hard enough, but I just don't see too many gay voices in the U.S. talking about these wider threats.”

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Friend, we will be addressing the subject of global intolerance of gays and lesbians in a future issue. Thank you for pointing out this issue.

In last month’s poll, we asked: Have you ever had, or given someone, a gushing G-spot orgasm?

We received 187 votes this month, and it looks like Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, should be giving us all a workshop session with demonstrations. We need to explore the G-spot!

See the full results of the March 2007 poll here.

This month, we ask: Are sex toys a part of your lovemaking?

Vote now! The poll is on Fatale’s home page.

And we’ll give you the results next month.

Until then, we wish you dazzling hot sex.

Nan and Christi
www.fatalemedia.com