Fatale Media Blog

Masturbating with your partner is a tried-and-true “sex tip” said to get you in the mood for penetration. But we think solo sex can be fun when one partner merely watches. Something interesting happens. The sexual energy changes; the dynamics between the two of you change.

Masturbating while your lover watches can be scary at first. You’re completely vulnerable. Whether you’re in a hot tub with your pussy up against the streaming jets of water or whether you’re lying in bed with the vibrator turned on high, you have to force yourself into your body, purely into your own space, allowing yourself to really feel what you feel. To let your clit take over.

But once you let go, the trust seems to deepen…and okay, we’ll admit it, the desire for more–including penetration–often takes over.

What’s the best way to begin? Talking to your lover is always good advice, but having a vibrator at the ready also helps.

Try pulling it out and smiling suggestively. Let the little thing buzz. If you’ve got music or a video on, the buzzing won’t make it seem like you’ve taken up beekeeping.

If your partner wants to participate, just say, “I’ll be all yours in a moment, honey. I just want to try something different.”

Watching is a great turn-on. You can talk dirty, or caress your lover’s face or breasts without distracting her.

There’s some fabulous porn that can inspire a solo scene with your partner too. Suburban Dykes has a wonderful side-by-side masturbation scene with Nina Hartley and Pepper together on a phone sex line. Whoa, mama!

We’re also partial to the Mystery Masturbator in Take Her Down!–explicit and actually a good how-to for those of you who feel squeamish or unsure how to actually get things going down there.

If you’re into anal, we recommend Greta’s vignette in Clips with an anal self-loving scene that will open you up for sure!

Our friend Cory Silverberg has compiled some straightforward how-to advice at About.com. And don’t forget our good friend Betty Dodson, the queen of masturbation and author of the classic Sex For One.

One last word of advice, let yourself go. Don’t stop till you’ve come at least once!
Want more lovers’ masturbation tips? Check out “Masturbation for Lovers.”

Note: “Sex for One for Two” originally appeared in a slightly different form in the January 2004 Fatale Media newsletter.