G-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the G-spot.
Dear Deborah,
I’d like to learn more about female ejaculation, but I’m not sure how to start. Should I try to find my own G-spot first, before talking to my partner?
Baffled in Baton Rouge
Dear Baffled,
The best way to begin to discover your own G-spot is to treat this important excursion as a relaxing hour of self-care.
As we all know by now, that means: uninterrupted quiet time where you have treated yourself to a long bath, candles, music and other things you truly like and want to partake in that you know relax you.
Then, use lubricant (olive oil works just fine if you don’t have anything else; if Cleopatra used it, you can, too!).
Before proceeding any further, do 12 rounds (in and out) of slow, deep breathing, filling your lungs completely and exhaling completely.
Next, place your finger at the entrance to your vagina and keep it there with very gentle insistence, waiting until your vagina practically scoops your finger inside. Continue to relax and breathe deeply. Don’t push yourself in and don’t push yourself deep. Stay just inside the opening an inch or two, that’s all.
Turn the pad of your finger toward the roof of your vagina. Breathe and relax. Then, millimeter by millimeter, explore all the crevices and folds, caves and ridges of your G-spot. Yes, that’s it. Right there!
But if you don’t approach it in this relaxed and loving manner, you can breeze right by it. Not because it is small, but because we are too busy, in this culture, looking for the Big Prize. It is indeed a Big Prize, but it is wrapped in delicate paper at first, and sometimes we can think we don’t feel anything, or that it hurts, or that it should send us off the planet in instant exquisite pleasure.
Remember, breathe and relax and notice what you feel.
Once you have explored your G-spot once or twice, invite your partner to explore with you. In this way, you will have a new sexual frontier to explore together.
If you’d like more information, the revised, second edition of my book, Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot, is now out and available for sale at Fatale Media. I hope you like it.
Best wishes,
Deborah Sundahl
P.S. Here are Deborah’s upcoming workshops and webinars about female ejaculation and the G-spot:
• “Talk for Men: Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot” is a 2-hour evening webinar that runs the first Tuesday of each month. The next “Talk for Men” is Tuesday, August 5, 2014 at 9:00 p.m. EDT. Click here for more information.
• Deborah’s next live “Weekend Workshop for Women” will be held in Muenster, Germany, October 10 – 12 , 2014.
“The workshop was a precious experience of deep intimacy with myself. Beside meeting beautiful and curious women (and having a lot of fun), the group’s experience allowed me to let go, in a trusting atmosphere, supported by the other women’s experiences and energy.” – Maeva, Grenoble, France
Click here to learn more and read other testimonials.
• Want to learn what happens in an in-person female ejaculation workshop? Read “Workshop Etiquette” by Deborah Sundahl.
In Memoriam: Honey Lee Cottrell
Friday, October 9th, 2015“Coastbound Train, Rachael and Elexis,” 1985. Image by Honey Lee Cottrell. Among her well-known photographs is this powerful image of Rachael Williams (the first Ms. Leather) and Elexis that first appeared in On Our Backs.
You may have known Honey Lee Cottrell. For sure you know her life’s work as a photographer and cinematographer.
Honey Lee Cottrell passed away on September 21, 2015, of pancreatic cancer. She was 69. We lost a friend and compatriot of Nan’s from the early days of On Our Backs and Fatale Video. She was one of the “core four” at On Our Backs, along with Nan, Deborah Sundahl and Susie Bright.
Deborah Sundahl wrote of Honey Lee: “The most influential photographer of the 1980s and ’90s in her innovative and original representation of lesbian sexuality. Her specialty was articulating the butch-femme of the 1950s for a new era of lesbians.”
Honey Lee filmed Clips, which featured “the first-ever-seen-on-screen authentic female ejaculation. Nan said, “She was right where she needed to be to get that shot, strong and steady to capture the event.” What an historic event it was, too.
Honey Lee was a force behind the scenes at Fatale and lesbian pornography. She chronicled the world of lesbian sexuality at On Our Backs, Fatale Video and beyond. Her subjects were open and honest with her, gazing directly into the camera’s lens.
What writers and academics refer to as “the lesbian gaze,” Honey Lee personified in her work. Her images were published in books and journals and shown in exhibitions and shows. Her work is archived at the Human Sexuality Collection at Cornell University. (Read the whole obituary, written by Brenda Marston of Cornell University, here.)
Self portrait. 2009. Image by Honey Lee Cottrell
We’ll let Honey Lee have the last word:
“The lesbian gaze meant that there was a contemplation,” she said, “a restraint, a sincerity and a warrior-quality. This lesbian look was compelling. While your heterosexual woman model might compel the rest of the world to look at her, a lesbian was addressing you.”
Until next time,
Nan & Christi
nan@fatalemedia.com
christi@fatalemedia.com
P.S. You can see Honey Lee’s work in Clips and some of her photos on Fatale Media’s Pinterest boards. Kitty Tsui, Honey Lee with tux and oar, as well as some others.
Tags:Deborah Sundahl, Fatale Video, Honey Lee Cottrell, Nan Kinney, On Our Backs, Susie Bright
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